Sooner or later we all have to go through the horrible management of a breakup. It’s a very unpleasant and painful event (in the majority of cases), especially when it’s the other person who ends the relationship.
The consequences of breaking up with your partner
A breakup doesn’t just affect both members of the couple, but if it was a long-term relationship, your partner probably had also bonded with family and friends of yours. Sometimes this breakup is just as painful and you have to be careful when talking about it. You can start with a close friend or family member, to see what effect this has on him/her and consider their advice on how best to communicate the news to others.
It is possible that, even if there are good reasons for this rupture, the first weeks you do not feel better, but very badly. This is perfectly normal. Your head has to get used to the new situation and you shouldn’t be in too much of a rush. Little by little, you will accept it and you will no longer look to the past with nostalgia but you will look to the future with new strengths and new objectives.
Tips for not sinking (too much)
– Give your wounds time to heal. Don’t rush things, especially when it comes to feelings. You will certainly have good days and others not so good, but only time can help you become the person you were.
– Do not take refuge in drugs or alcohol. Many people are looking for an easy escape and it is very tempting to escape for a few hours by consuming substances which, in reality, are harmful to our organism. In fact, some substances like alcohol can make you feel worse, so it’s not recommended at all.
– Say what you feel. Repressing your feelings is never good, but now they’re on edge and you definitely want to talk to someone to explain what’s going on with you. Don’t think it’s a sign of weakness: it’s something positive that will make you feel the people around you who care about you.
– Turn the page. Trying to get the other person back may seem doable to you, but in most cases the breakup is irreversible and you shouldn’t have any illusions about a possible reconciliation. Turn the page, move forward.
Therapeutic help in the event of a breakup
Among psychologists, love breakups are one of the most common causes for requesting therapy, because going through this situation is not easy and often we find ourselves at an impasse and remain stuck in sadness and obsession. That’s why we’re going to offer you some general guidelines for getting through this process in the best possible way and trying to work through things and adapt in a healthy way.
How to get over a breakup step by step
1. Cry, cry and cry again: discharge yourself, scream, let out the pain, tell others about it until you have no more tears in you. A breakup is a grieving process and you have to go through several phases. Crying will help you take the next step.
2. Write: It can help you to see things more objectively, to structure and not to forget certain things, both good and bad.
3. Stay busy: Thinking about what happened is not forbidden, but don’t let yourself be obsessed. Do something, go out with friends, work, play sports, try to keep your mind busy.
4. Think positively. Yes, being like this is a real hassle and it all hurts a lot, but try to stay positive. Everything that happens to us is an apprenticeship and, over time, you may even realize that ending this relationship was what was best for you. Don’t worry, you will fall in love again. In life, everything passes and things will get better.
5. Be rational. There were obviously good things but, if the relationship ended, it was because the negative side outweighed the positive. Don’t forget what was wrong, that’s why the relationship ended.
6. Don’t punish yourself or make yourself feel guilty. It doesn’t do anything except make you feel even worse. Eradicate the “what if…” from your vocabulary. You can’t go back, what happened has happened and no matter how much you punish yourself for it, things won’t change. You did it because at that time you thought it was the best thing to do, so go ahead and live on.
7. Think of yourself: now is the time to be selfish. Forget the other and don’t wonder if he’s okay or not. Now it’s time to think about you.
8. In times of crisis, do not make important decisions. You are disoriented and do not have clear ideas. There have already been enough changes in your life for you to make unnecessary ones. At times like these, you are in the clouds and it is better not to make important decisions, because now is not the time. Later, when you are a little better, it will be time to make decisions.
9. Accept help from others: your friends and family are with you, ask them for help, let them take care of you, don’t give up on them. If over time you don’t get better, see a psychologist, do yoga and meditation. If you realize that you can’t do it alone, don’t be ashamed and don’t be proud, ask for help.
10. Allow yourself some time to mourn: unfortunately, this process takes time. That is why, for days, weeks or months, you will feel bad. Take things calmly, because you will need time to digest things. Don’t be impatient.
11. Continue to assume your responsibilities and obligations but don’t expect too much of yourself either. Life goes on and you can’t leave it all behind. But don’t you have to exhaust yourself; have compassion and be understanding with yourself.
12. Take good care of yourself and love yourself. Pay attention to yourself, go to the hairdresser, buy yourself pretty things, get yourself a massage. Treat yourself and love yourself, you are what matters most.
13. Start a new chapter: life goes on, this is not the end. In the book of your life, this relationship is just another chapter. In time, it will no longer hurt you and will be just another memory.