Long distance relationships: 10 difficult problems to bear

Is it possible to have a sentimental relationship without having frequent contact with the loved one?

Long-distance relationships are an increasingly common phenomenon in this interconnected and globalized world. The massification of Internet use means that the opportunities to meet someone living in a distant country are multiplying. As always, love ignores the practical side of things and wonders if it is worth starting a certain type of relationship.

However, some believe that the possibility of keeping in touch every day with someone who lives far away or who has the possibility of emigrating is, in fact, a trap. On the one hand, it makes it possible to get to know many more people, but on the other, it easily frustrates us. In the past, a few decades ago, the fact that maintaining a relationship at a distance was almost impossible made us live more isolated, but at least we could see those we knew more frequently, because they lived in the same village, town or country.

Because maintaining a relationship at a distance is a real psychological challenge.

Specific issues of long-distance relationships

People in long-distance relationships often talk about the early stages as a time when the magic of falling in love mixes with the anticipation of the problems that will arise later, as the couple will live apart. These people feel “caught” or “sucked up” by an unforeseen situation but which, little by little, becomes an additional concern: to make the situation viable.

All relationships, in general, can be the source of certain problems of greater or lesser intensity, but long-distance relationships, in particular, have certain characteristics that make them more likely to come up against certain obstacles or situations. uncomfortable. Here are the main ones:

1. Uncertainty

The perception that the distance between the two people is, in itself, a source of problems that will always be present as long as they are separated is, paradoxically, another problem. This state of affairs serves as an excuse to allow the appearance of pessimistic thoughts, which anticipate a traumatic end in love or a deterioration of the atmosphere which, little by little, will make the members of the couple distance themselves.

2. A possible source of non-engagement

Since the chances of the relationship progressing are not high, there are more chances that the lovers will be less inclined to actually commit. In a way, our expectations of the future affect how we feel in the present. This is why “we adapt” so as not to be too exposed and not risk receiving a severe blow at the psychological level.

This can be perceived by the other person as a lack of interest, which will cause discussions and general unease.

3. Jealousy

Jealousy isn’t an essential ingredient in couple relationships, but long-distance relationships are the Achilles’ heel of people prone to jealousy because information about what the other person is doing is more sporadic. If the jealousy exceeds a certain threshold, the paranoid thoughts can cause the jealous person to adopt a totally toxic possessive behavior, which will harm the other member of the couple.

4. Planning meetings

The need to have a meeting schedule in mind in which the sacrifices that both members of the couple will make are balanced is a source of stress. Often, it’s only a slight inconvenience, but sometimes the fact of having to combine studies or work with these getaways can generate genuine crises of stress.

5. The feeling of guilt

In some long-distance relationships, the feeling of guilt is a frequent source of discomfort. The reason for this feeling is that sometimes some people feel like they don’t do enough to see their partner more often and to make the rare days spent together to be enjoyed to the fullest.

Perfectionism and the desire that these moments compensate for the inconvenience of being separated for a long time often create disappointment and frustration, when the couple realizes that the meeting does not correspond to their (idealized) expectations.

6. Inability to fully enjoy the time spent together

The anticipation of the farewell that will follow often means that the partners do not enjoy the time spent together. For example, if you are planning a week-long getaway to a foreign country, it is possible that during the last 2-3 days, sadness will cloud the experience.

This can make you unable to enjoy the times spent together. And, little by little, it is possible that this feeling of dissatisfaction leads you to think that your partner is not suitable for you.

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7. Lack of physical contact

This is one of the great disadvantages: the lack of moments of intimacy, eye contact and caresses which are generally necessary, not only to feel good but also to make the relationship mature and mutual knowledge to be enriched thanks to to non-verbal language.

8. Limitation of communication channels

The communication channels through which contact is maintained in a long-distance relationship can be a source of problems: a telephone not consulted often enough, lack of telephone coverage, limited access to the Internet, etc. This can cause stress at times and make us think the other person might be in trouble.

9. Not knowing each other’s social circles

Often, members of a long-distance relationship meet in places that are halfway between their two places of residence or spend the time together alone. This is why they do not manage to know well the social circles in which their partner evolves. They therefore do not have the opportunity to make new friends, nor to have their own vision of the social environment of their partner.

10. Potential boredom

The disadvantages that we have just listed and the fact of being often alone mean that the moments of direct contact often take place in an isolated context and sometimes create a certain monotony. A cost-benefit analysis can make the time spent together seem insignificant or unimportant.